Lots of things have been happening lately but the most important thing has been an invaluable lesson about the difference between the love I have for my human baby and my fur baby. Before I gave birth to my son (even up until these events) I used to think I’d love my human and animal baby the same. I used to believe I would not make a huge distinction between the two besides the obvious difference of human being the priority in the event of an emergency. Now I understand how naive I was. Here’s how my thinking has been altered…
The Eyeopener: I went to my house early during the week in order to continue fixing it up. I left my son with my mom and thanked her for watching him. A few hours later I get a call from my sister saying she had something to tell me. She asked if I was sitting down. My heart races, I feel faint and I’m on the verge of a full blown panic attack. In those brief seconds before my mom got on the phone my mind raced about all the things that could be wrong with my son. Did he have an allergic reaction to something? Did they discover he has asthma like I do? Did he all of a sudden have something else horrible happen? But my mom grabbed the phone and simply said Oreo’s eye is swollen. Oreo is my fur baby and not once did he come into my mind as my sister started her conversation. Upon hearing it was him, I was completely relieved. I felt awful because not once did I think about him. And I felt even worse that I was relieved it was my fur baby instead of my human baby. At this point I said to myself “shame on you for being relieved” and I promised myself I’d change that in the future.
The Heart Cracker: Again I was heading to my house for the same reason as before under the same circumstances. This time I didn’t make it. Without going into too many details, I was in an accident. No it wasn’t my fault and yes everyone is alive. I needed to go to the house so I did but I cried while in the bathroom. I eventually got myself together and went back to my mom’s house. I cried off and on the entire way and I freaked out a few times afraid someone would hit me. Upon arriving back at my mom’s I cried again. All I could think about is how much worse it would have been if my son was in the car. I cried to my mom for the pain I was in, the accident that shook me up and the thought of what could have happened. She (my mom) tried her best to reassure me and remind me that he wasn’t in the car and he was perfectly safe. This was the final event that let me know there is a difference.
The Equalizer/ Redemption (sort of): While I know they aren’t the same there are still times when fur baby will win. We’ve discovered human baby can’t be trusted with animals until he understands gentle touches. One night while playing with his daddy (my husband), he sat quietly watching Oreo. He didn’t try to touch him like normal so we let him keep watching his doggie. A few seconds later Oreo gets brave and walks towards this space invader to get a closer look. This is a big deal because ever since the last incident he no longer tries to interact with his human sibling. Right as he gets closer Mr. Fast Hands grabs Oreo’s ear and pulls so hard he yelps and runs. I was angry. I immediately grabbed Oreo and gave him lots of snuggles and love. At the same time, I looked at my son and told him (in a stern voice) we do not treat Oreo (or any animal) that way. I never thought I could be angry with a baby but in that moment he attacked my fur baby. Sure I was mad but that felt like my redemption. I was reminded that no they aren’t the same but like all things in life there are certain reactions for every occasion.
As much as I wanted to believe I wouldn’t make a difference and I’d try to treat them the same I know differently. I know while I love my fur baby tremendously he’s not the same as my human baby. I realize my human baby will come first in the event of an emergency. However there are still instances when my fur baby will win. It’ll all depend on the circumstances. But for now I walk away from my experiences with a little more knowledge and acceptance than before. I love you son and now I know my love for you isn’t the same as for your fur brother but it doesn’t have to be. The love I have for you, your fur brother, your dad and others is all different and that’s ok.