Mood: Excited

Energy: Not sure

Appetite: High 😦

Baby Movement: Yes

Contractions: Braxton Hicks

Other: Paranoia & Baby Shower

Paranoia is intense. I keep feeling like the next appointment will be the last and not in a delivery type of way. I blame my obsessive research for signs of stillbirth. Anytime he doesn’t move when and as quickly as I think he should I automatically turn to YouTube or Google in order to see if someone else’s signs match mine. Realistically I know what the signs are and that stillbirths can’t usually be predicted during a normal uncomplicated pregnancy. They are just unfortunate freak things that happen. Some times they can anticipate it if there are other signs like heavy bleeding, lack of movement, illness, genetic defects, etc but I don’t have any of that as far as I know. I just keep worrying that I’ll be the rare person who has an unexplained stillbirth. Call it paranoia, being morbid or grime, etc. but I am hoping he comes soon so I can physically see him and have a better idea of how he’s doing. Granted I realize the last few weeks are important for brain and lung development but I would much rather he be born preterm (36-38wks) than for me to keep driving myself insane with worry. Okay so I’m not going crazy with worry but I do get concerned whenever he doesn’t move like he normally does. Who knew all the pre-pregnancy research I did would be practically useless when I was pregnant. Well logically it was great but sadly enough I still worry and have to remind myself of all the things I know from said research…

Baby shower!!! Our baby shower was awesome. I was freaked out about two drastic outcomes. One being no one showed up and it would be hubby, parents and my sis and her hubby. The other being there would be a ton of people and I’d get anxious because of the crowd. Well as it turned out we had a perfect random outcome that I didn’t anticipate. Some were there early while others came later so the amount of people rotated! It was absolutely perfect. I got to see all those who could make it and chat without feeling overwhelmed. The food was great and the was only two games both of which where done while everyone was chatting and hanging out. It was the perfect chill shower for hubby and I. The decor was enough to make me want to cry because they got every detail perfect yet it wasn’t over-the-top 🙂 My hosts (mom and sis) rocked!! They made sure everything flowed and they even had an abundance of assistance with putting food out and cleaning up at the end. All in all I would say everything went smooth. Most of all we felt the love and I pray that I have enough pictures to add to Ethan’s (pre-birth) book so he can feel the love as well!! We love our friends and family.