WARNING: This is a random emotional dump so if you want more then read something else.
It has been rough in every sense: emotional, physical, mental and spiritual. The toughest being wondering if I have PPD or am having violent mood swings. The other realizing I am failing spiritually.
Instead of continuing to drown in my emotional state, I started to workout which I mentioned in my March Update post. I’ve since committed to working out at least 10mins daily in hopes I’ll improve my mood and alleviate stressing over things that are beyond my control. Well I was wrong. It has boosted my mood however the same problems exist and come flooding back as soon as the high of the workout ends. Today was no different…
Started the day by exercising. I’m currently doing Slim in 6 but I’ll do a separate post once I’ve completed the 6 weeks. Played with my son who was screaming MOM at the top of his lungs by the time I was done then clapped for me after I picked him up. We watched family vlogs until I got in the shower. I prepared for my appointment and this is where things started going wrong. The appointment was mislabeled, changed then rescheduled all after I had shown up for said appointment. I decided not to complain and just continued onward to lunch. The restaurant closed at 2 which was especially annoying as we’d been waiting to go back since Saturday plus we paid for parking but we found a different place within walking distance so the parking wasn’t a total waste. At this point hubby and I were both annoyed at the events, realized we’d forgotten something due to our extreme irritation and both expressed our grievances which took up all of our lunch. That is when I told him we needed to do something to wash off the stink of these events in order to salvage the rest of our day.
First stop was taking care of what we’d forgotten and that felt pretty good because yet again we’d hit a personal/ couple goal. Then on to Starbucks for the new Unicorn Frappuccino which my hubby described as a sweet tart ice cream. It wasn’t the best thing I’ve ever had but the name mixed with the colorful appearance put an instant smile on my face and changed my perspective.
The Unicorn boosted my mood and lead me to do something I haven’t done in what seems like months; give myself a mini manicure & pedicure. I call it a mini because I didn’t soak or massage beforehand I simply cleaned up my cuticles, clipped and shaped my nails then polished. I was running late for my religious meeting (totally my fault I was 30min off…), messed up on a nail and ended up having an unpolished thumbnail but we made it. Once we got back home and were in comfy clothing, I polished my thumbnail and for some reason the whole day felt right. The weather was perfect (rainy and cloudy my favorite no joke or sarcasm intended), we made it to our meeting, our son was asleep, my fingers and toes looked nice, my hair was somewhat done (read better than all over my head or in a knotted bun) and we were relaxing together watching Founders which kind of turned me off of McDonald’s not that I frequented the place.
However my wow moment didn’t come until after the movie. I was deciding between going to bed and reading. I needed sleep desperately but I hadn’t read in silence in a while. Reading won; Chicken Noodle Soup for the Soul pt 2. As I was reading the short stories, I couldn’t stop looking at my nails. I caught myself admiring the color and the time I took to do it even with all the interruptions. Finally I came across a story that (like the book had warned/ suggested) stopped me in my tracks and helped me appreciate my day even more. I closed the book right that second so I could reflect on the emotions the story evoked. Finally the WOW moment. I was happy because of two simple things: Unicorn Frap and my nails being polished. It wasn’t huge but it sent me straight to my Gratefuls book which I hadn’t used since late 2015. I wrote down a condensed version of this post with a few extra more personal details and here I am. I felt so inspired I decided to add writing in that book to my list of things to do. I’m hoping it’ll force me to find at least one thing to be grateful for daily beyond the basics that everyone is grateful for namely food, clothing, shelter, family and good health.
I’m not sure if any one thing will help or if I need to see my doctor to make sure this isn’t PPD but I do know all these little changes will only help me even if it doesn’t fix everything.