Picture this: I used the French Press for coffee (see image below); my Keurig needs to be replaced. I had the television all to myself, the house was quiet and I could think about everything or nothing. Now… the house is awake and you are demanding my attention.

I immediately changed your diaper, washed my hands, gave you gel for your teeth, let your brother outside then nursed you. I was running full speed ahead like my time out was a daydream. As I was nursing you, I felt the same battle raging within me on a loop. Do I relax and enjoy a mommy time out? Or do I take care of my to do list without interruption? I can’t do one without thinking about the other. So right there with you on my boob I realized I must find balance.

I don’t know how to turn off the part of my brain that says you must do everything. I don’t know how to enjoy one without regretting not doing the other. The only thing I can do without regret is take everyone’s advice about enjoying every minute with you. I try to hold on to the precious moments with you because I know they won’t last forever but I still need to find time and balance between all the roles I have. The only way to really be a good mom is to balance all aspects of my life. From now on I’ll make an effort to avoid the internal struggle and simply alternate between the two. Some times will call for a time out while others will be spent taking care of things around the house. Mommy loves you and from now one when you give me a break I’ll simply choose.